Gherkin Street

Prince Charles’ bucks night has nearly ended disaster after a terrible mishap with the evening’s entertainment. In this interview with King Abdullah of Jordan, a close friend of the Prince, In The News discovers that while no-one was hurt, things could have been much worse for the already embarrassed royal family.

“It was going to be such a great night,” says King Abdullah. “All his mates were there. Harry came dressed as President Mugabe, Will with all his homosexual friends, Pink, Robbie Williams – you name it!”

But the evening got off to a bad start.

“Yes, we were going to shave his testicles as a joke,” says King Abdullah. “But after we stripped him, we discovered they already were. Turns out he gets a Brazilian wax every four weeks anyway.”

“Then bloody Sir Cliff Richard puts ecstasy in the daiquiris and the place went nuts! There was nudity everywhere.”

Apparently things got worse when the entertainment, a cheap stripper, arrived.

“Charles was trying to kiss anything that moved, boy or girl, and lets just say he had ‘busy’ hands,” says the King. “So when the stripper arrived, he was all over her – he didn’t mind if she was impersonating the Queen. It was an amazing likeness.”

But according to King Abdullah, “before you know it” Prince Charles had the stripper’s clothes off and was trying to have sex with her.

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” claims Prince Charles.

Others agree.

“No, he didn’t, er, consummate,” says King Abdullah. “He stopped when he recognized the birth mark on her left buttock cheek.”

Apparently the “stripper” turned out to be none other than the real Queen, who had just popped in to say good night to the throng.

“It’s a good thing Charles had only recently seen the Queen watering her tulips naked, or who knows what might have happened!”