Gherkin Street

By Milton Montgomery:

Well thank you Mr Peters, Id just like to delve into your witness statement a bit more if you don’t mind.

You stated, “The white car swerved and was rear-ended by the black car after which an altercation broke out between the two drivers.”

A very succinct statement indeed Mr Peters.

Now the first thing Id like to review is the reason the white car swerved. Another witness stated that the white car swerved to avoid hitting a shopping trolley that had careered onto the road.

You were at the shopping centre at the time of the accident yet you did not mention the shopping cart. Incidentally, you dropped your receipt from the grocery stores for purchases of $400 worth of jelly. Must have required quite a trolley to lug that about eh? Do you happen to know where it is now Mr Peters? No? Oh well we better file a theft report for that later. These things happen.

Now as to the altercation between the drivers. Another witness stated that the altercation escalated after a barrage of insults aimed at both drivers. Apparently they took offence at some very personal things that were said about their sexual methods and practices.

Now I just wanted to check, the witness said that the insults came from a male voice “from the direction of the shopping centre”. That again was near where you were standing Mr Peters so I just wondered if you heard or saw anything? No? Ok we’ll move on.

Now I don’t know if you are aware Mr Peters but the black car was in fact pursuing the white car? Apparently the pursuing driver had been emailed some very provocative photos by the fleeing driver. Did you know Mr Peters that the two drivers both work for the same company that you do? Very attractive women aren’t they Mr Peters.

Anyway, the interesting thing is that the fleeing driver does not have ready access to a computer. Moreover your company has very strict email protections in place to prevent that sort of thing. But of course you know that as you are the one who oversees the IT department. Interestingly we found a website featuring photos of both drivers that was hosted by your server. You may want to look into that when you get back.

Now the last thing Mr Peters and then you can go. As the scuffle progressed between the two drivers it became apparent that both of them became covered in a gelatinous red substance. This is rather odd and neither driver can explain how this came to be.

Another witness claims that the red substance was thrown over the two drivers by a third party, a man dressed in office attire who “looked like a computer geek”. They did not get a look at his face but the witness did note that he was carrying some very powerful stage lights. Very strange indeed. You didn’t see him did you? Pity.

Well alright Mr Peters is there anything else you can add? No? Well in that case, might I suggest Mr Peters that if you are going to go shopping in the middle of the day you probably should not take that very expensive video camera with you. It’s a good neighbourhood but you shouldn’t take chances with hardware like that.

That will be all for now Mr Peters. Would you mind sending in the next witness, that young man over there? You may know him, he works in your IT department. In case you aren’t sure, he’s the one holding the very large boom microphone. Thank you Mr Peters.