Gherkin Street

By Red Dinger:

I went on holidays recently. Not that there is anything interesting about that but I just to tell people. Makes me feel better.

Moving on however, part of my holiday “sojourn” involved driving a vehicle. At times it was even a moving vehicle. Now, I am not a naturally nervous person however with the advent of “double demerit” periods I confess to staring at my Speedo all too much to make sure I didn’t get hammered with a huge fine. Its not easy to do that you know, drink alcohol while keeping the car under the speed limit. Especially when the lights don’t work and its dark and raining. And you have movie playing on a portable DVD player on the dashboard. Oh well, I got away with it.

During this time of vehicular entombment, I was able to ponder a theory posed to me by a mate who just happens to be a Catholic priest. True. Not to be judgemental or anything, given he is one of the few who isn’t a sexual predator, but initially it seems an odd point of view he maintains. Basically, he reckons we should do away with all the road rules and let the strong survive and the weak perish. Some might call that anarchy. He calls it “natural selection”.

Now if you think about it long enough it actually makes sense. I personally have meditated on the concept at length and the voices in my head all agree it has merit. Everyone but Carrie, she never wants to do what the others do.

Its pretty simple really, everyone has their limit as to how fast is “too fast” and how fast is “not fast enough”. That speed has nothing to do with the published speed limit. Its got a lot more to do with what time you need to be there compared to what time it is now. At other times, it has a lot to do with the prospects of having a good time at your destination - getting lucky means drive fast, being forced to watch Rove means drive slow.

Whatever the case, its there were no road rules then those who have no boundaries will ultimately kill themselves doing something stupid. Natural selection!

Let the hoons scream past at 200 kilometres an hour. I’ll bet its fun to see a car going that fast crash into a tree. Duff duff thud.

Before long the furry dice manufacturers will be out of business. They don’t really compare well to air bags but they do soak up a lot of blood.

The argument against anarchy is of course that harmless people, those that would otherwise obey the road rules, might be injured. Well, I can tell you, those drivers that speed up in overtaking lanes might be obeying the road rules but they annoy more people than any speeding rev-head.

Fact is, there are a lot more sensible drivers than idiots so it wont be long before they sort themselves out and the rest of us can get back to doing 10 kilometres over the limit.

Obviously I'm not advocating Mad Max type behaviour, societal laws should stay and guns and knives would be outlawed (except in Los Angeles) but bull-bars and SUVs will continue to be fine. Possibly rocket launchers may be permissible, but only against caravans during certain hours of the day.

The one flaw in the cunning plan is that the other scourge of the road, truck drivers, will not have all the power. Under the new rules, they will be able to force people out of the way while recklessly disobeying all the road rules and speed limits while never getting caught. So, no real change for them come to think about it.

So, apart from that the only other downside will be the massive loss in State revenue as the police (or speed cameras) would no longer be needed. With any luck, this might be offset by a reduction in crime, convictions for getaway drivers notwithstanding.

The only other thing worth considering is school zones and here I propose a laser guided weapon of some sort that blows away anyone caught speeding or parking where they shouldn’t around schools. Mind you, I reckon we should do that regardless of what other road rules need changing.