Gherkin Street

By Red Dinger:

I'm not sure if you are aware but science is a wonderful thing, apparently. For by all accounts those white-coated men and women who never have sex have made a significant breakthrough. Its been all over the airwaves and in the papers.

Yes, they have revolutionised something called nasal delivery technology. Now its not what you first may think - a bunch of people dressed as noses delivering stuff. I made that mistake and got paid-out by just about everyone at Anna Nicole’s funeral. Anna Nicole was the only one who didn’t say anything.

Just in case you were wondering, its not the second thing you may think either.

Nevertheless, I am amazed that it took this long to come up with a breakthrough in nasal delivery. I suppose they have tried pretty much every other orifice and the nose in itself is not exactly the first one you’d pick if you had the chance, so to speak.

Mind you, one can only wonder what advancements will now follow by using the nose as the ingestion point of choice. It will certainly make enemas even more unique now.

I'm not exactly sure what the breakthrough is. On the face of it, the advancement seems nothing more than an atomisation of a drug merely so impotence and other sexual dysfunction sufferers might be able to perform better in bed.

“Sniff, snort – ah, that’s better honey, I feel great now. Sniff. Sniff. Pass me a tissue will you? Sniff. What’s that smell? Oh, just my stinking nose and the stuff I snorted. Why you don’t like it? Sniff. Funny you should say that, I have hardly thought about prematurely ejaculating either. Sniff.”

No doubt there will be much better advancements in the fields of cancer and brain disease etc, all to be fixed by the breakthrough in nasal delivery. I suppose it is a bit obvious in hindsight but thank god they worked it out.

Presumably the critical factor is to sniff not blow.

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Science has also made another discovery.

Apparently the wombat can maintain a speed of over 40 kilometres an hour for over 150 metres. That is considerably faster than a human.

Apparently wombats can also jump fences over a meter high.

It just goes to show what the average wombat is capable of when being chased by someone in a white coat who, having recently sniffed something, wants to have sex with you.

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To other matters, how exactly became the custom that things of importance we’re presented to people on a little, pretty pillow?

Such as at a wedding.

Kings and Queens are always being presented things on little pillows. They aren’t things that needed a rest or even things that typically called for a pillow.

“The royal Lebanese cucumber, Ma’am? Ive lubricated it as instructed.”

Do they still use the little pillows as often as they did?

What happened to all the pillows that delivered things?

Has there ever been a breakthrough in little pillow delivery technology?

Who the heck makes all the little pillows?

I have decided that I no longer wish to be so rich that I can crash my car and not care. I merely want to be so rich that whatever I want shall be delivered to me on a little pretty pillow.

“Bring me my baked beans, Jeeves! Never mind the bowl, just put them on a little, pretty pillow. Thank you, that will be all for now. Perhaps I shall have a coffee soon, soak a pillow so that I may suck it.”