Gherkin Street

By Red Dinger:

Nothing annoys me more than coffee shops that force their customers to put their own lids and/or chocolate sprinkles on their take-away coffees.

Is it too much to ask for a modicum of service for a product that I have just paid a 500% mark-up?

More worrying however are the sanitary implications.

You may well be aware of that infamous study that found that complimentary beer nuts in pubs contained traces of over eleven different types of urine. I'm pretty sure that the nuts were not manufactured that way. Urban myth or not, many hands on coffee lids cannot be a good thing.

Don’t forget, that is the part that you put your mouth on. You don’t go around licking other people’s fingers so why do you have to enjoy their germs on your coffee lid?

The problem is exacerbated by the fact that those lids are incredibly hard to separate, especially on a cold winter’s morning. So, you invariably pick up a handful of them and fumble about until you can finally get one free. Of course, with people waiting behind you, with any minor delay you soon feel their ire on the back of your neck. I (like you I am sure) have often put two or more lids on just to get away from the counter.

All the while the “barista” looks on aloofly.

That is, of course, if the lid fits. I am pretty sure that the baristas get some sort of perverse pleasure by overfilling each cup knowing the difficulty customers face in attaching lids to them. Most people get it right but it isn’t long before some poor blighter (often me) spills his latte all over the tiny, chocolate sprinkle covered lid-attachment bench and has to ask the now sneering barista for a cloth.

Some of these coffee shops even take your name and then call it out when your coffee is ready – just so that everyone knows the name of the idiot who is holding up the line of caffeine addicts by poor lid separation and/or attachment skills. Their turn will come.

So the next time you reach for a communal coffee lid, pray that the person in line ahead of you has not just wiped their nose, scratched their backside or has even the slightest trace of urine on their hands. Pray their fingers are nimble enough. Then pray for yourself.

Either that or ask your barista’s name before spilling your coffee everywhere. You can then say sorry to them more personally before leaving for a coffee shop where the lid comes pre-attached (preferably by someone with clean hands)!